WOMAN, THOU ART HATED.

I‘m glad it was a woman who witnessed the broad daylight sexual molestation of a group of secondary girls numbering about 60 at Falomo Ikoyi, Lagos State.
I struggle to find the right words to express my emotions in situations like this that have become all too common. In fact this latest incident isn’t even a common sight but an introduction of a frightening dimension.
Secondary school boys who systematically planned to attack, molest and rape girls on their last day of school as a way to ‘celebrate’. The secondary school girls were their next door neighbours; only a wall separated them. They had pairs of scissors that they used to cut the skirts of the girls. The girls that had their skirts cut had worn double spandex which alluded to the possibility that this was not the first time an assault might have happened. The woman saw two boys who already had their trousers at their ankles. One was on top a girl who had bravely tried to fend off her assailant. The other boys cheered on. There were actually onlookers besides the perpetrators, yet they didn’t raise an alarm till this female Good Samaritan who was on her way home came to the scene. It was then the men around joined her in warding off the boys! The Police are playing the incident down. Instead Lagos state is being quiet about whether or not the suspects will be prosecuted!! No strong message of repercussion is coming out of this incident. Where would a bunch of boys get the effrontery to assault girls in broad daylight?
Remember the secondary school in Bauchi that had the students getting married to each other? And we all know what part of marriage was their interest.

There is a huge problem somewhere.

There is a general hate for the female. Despite the fact that men acknowledge the role females play in their lives, the female loses dignity everyday. A female is a vessel of life, she is the nurturer, home keeper, home keeper, home maker, peacemaker, and sex companion. She is promoted as the weaker sex in all aspects yet the ‘stronger’ sex is brutal towards her. The female folk have come a long way from the darker days but something is fighting back and while more women are in the boardrooms now, the darkness doesn’t seem to have left , it has only changed shade. If a female isn’t physically abused, assaulted, killed, debased, degraded the day hasn’t started. It is getting there.

We are all to blame.

The role, definition, expectations of a man are clearly spelt out. So is the woman’s. difference is that society then places a rating on the sexes.
From birth everything is reinforced. A boy is held in higher regard. Females that are more in control of nurturing; raise the boys as entitled Demi-gods while the men reinforce the brutishness. It is a vicious cycle since the man in question was brought up believing the woman is subject to him. That is where the disconnect happened. Traditions carried out that are detrimental to women are often enforced by women. You would expect women to be emphatic towards their fellow females. With the advent of women determining their fates and destinies with the ‘I can do whatever I want; however I want’; this has led men to agree with us that “we to can do whatever we want with you females!”

The attitude of the society as to how women are treated also leaves much to be desired. In the Ikoyi case, there hasn’t been enough outrage. Every single day you must hear one distressing story or the other. We have zero tolerance for so many mundane things and we will shout to the high heavens about it expect what truly matters.

We have stopped educating our children. We have stopped passing down the nuggets of wisdom that brought us to where we are. We have become as entitled in our behavior and we have transmitted same to our children. We are in a competition as to how fast to ruin my child in the name of giving them everything so that “they don’t cry”. They grow up not understanding that ‘No’ is a valid answer.
-When did boys stop being taught how to be gentlemen? That to be able to restrain your ‘man’ and deal with a female is actually where the strength lies.
-When did girls stop being taught that you don’t enter a lion’s den and play with it? You don’t just play with a lion. You have to learn the skills to handle a lion before you venture into his lair at the appointed time.
-When will we start teaching our boys how to be responsible towards girls? That EVERY SINGLE MAN IS BORN OF A WOMAN(no Macbeth quotes and scientific discourse here pls. 99% of men will be born of a female!) after he’s born his life will depend on a woman for pretty much the rest of his life.
-When will we tell our girls the truth; feminism will only take you far and while we were taken from the rib of a man to stand by him, the heavier burden has been placed on him. Females must know and understand their role. All this role switching and playing isn’t doing anyone much good.
– Both sexes need to be taught accountability. Our boys and girls are spiraling out of control. There are no standards anymore. They tend to forget that they too will grow up, seek a spouse, have children (including girls like the ones they raped years back) and that what we sow we reap..

A teenage biracial couple was the toast of social media when a female body shamed the white 18 year old half of this couple for being fat. The answer her boyfriend gave was what set social media ablaze. ” You aren’t fat babe, you are exactly how God made you for me. Perfect”
The most repeated comment was that he was a gentleman and had defended his woman appropriately by uplifting her up. Note: he didn’t insult the body ‘shamer’ , didn’t join issues with her; he kept it real and focused on what mattered. How many of our your boys have been taught this?

As I write, I feel my emotions and thoughts have been all over the place on this. I am sure you understand where I am heading- we need to go back to the drawing board-ALL OF US.

2 Comments

  1. Fatima
    May 11, 2017

    The thing have taya me wallahi.

    Everyday is a struggle to just exist as a woman without having to defend your brain, your qualifications and your body from men (and women) who should know better.

    As a daughter and a mother of a daughter I can sometimes understand why you hear that some women “break” and kill themselves and their children.

    It’s so hard to be strong and to continually look for the silver lining in the face of overwhelming odds.

    (PS. If you are a Nigerian woman theJ hate is raised to the power X, where X is infinite).

    Nice one CB.

    • Eve
      May 17, 2017

      ….couldn’t have said it better….”just to exist as a woman…

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