ENDANGERED SPECIE: PUBIC HAIR

It started off as an innocuous conversation with, let’s call her Sally*. She had increased her appetite for risk in this recession. She had realized that recession could actually provide good business opportunities. Anyway, there was just this little issue of collateral. Somehow, the conversation dovetailed into the point that because ‘Madam Sally’ wasn’t hairy enough she wouldn’t command much and therefore she wasn’t a good candidate for collateral! Let’s correct a small impression here- women can be as naughty if not naughtier when talking to each other. We are most often forced to the corner of pretense.

Anyway, it dawned on me and I asked her, “you mean the fuller, richer head of hair you have is equal to the hair down at the entrance of the Pussy Cat?” She replied in the affirmative. I never knew that. Never even thought about it. I instantly felt sorry for her. I have followed her on her (lack of) hair struggle for as long as I can remember. To make sure the new found education was correct I asked her if that was true in her case-the lack on top was equal to the lack;down? She was livid. At the time of writing, she is still nursing the fact.

It set me thinking. I have never really thought about this integral part of the human anatomy more especially of the female. All I can remember is being told in Biology class to expect the growth of hair in two distinct places-armpits and the pussy cat as a rite of passage to eventual adulthood. Then this was followed by a few terse stern-faced instructions on how to maintain hygiene especially when Ruby Rose came round monthly. That was it. The same way I was not taught to love,appreciate and affirm the ‘nappy head of hair’, pubic hair was left as a mystery.

Then all of sudden, women started all sorts of grooming exercises for that natural tuft of hair that is doing more harm than good to the pussy cat!!
There are 6 grooming styles-
1. No trimming- in all its glory..(and yours). As nature gives.
2. Standard bikini line-edges are barely contained
3. Full bikini line- a smaller version of the above
4. Small triangle-barely covering the subject matter
5. Brazilian- like a landing strip
6. Hollywood- like the head of a vulture; bare.

As usual it is women that have a challenge about how nature has delivered them. Until men started become effeminate and being less Neanderthal, it was nothing for a man to have tufts of hair in all the places nature designated. In fact, it was what added to him as a man.
My mission is to help men today. From the survey I conducted, men don’t understand why there is a fuss; all they want is a well trimmed/manicured garden. Visualize a garden( a challenge for most Nigerians. Ok google!) when it has just been mowed, trimmed, manicured and CLEAN; beautiful and inviting but still has grass. That’s what they want. Granted, men are like kids, once they see candy; they really don’t care whether it is gummy bears, lollipops or chewy ones. All that matter is that it is sweet. Attractively packaged sweets have a higher rate of being repurchasing. Just saying.
I know the next chant will be, “it is my pussy cat, I can do anything with her, and blah, blah, blah”. I’m not contesting that but truth be told, you can’t use the pussycat all by yourself! (incase you’ve forgotten).
Let us not forget that there are other reasons the Creator made sure there’s a tuft of hair at Pussycat HQ. Production of pheromones, reducing friction and protects the gateway.
Sex still has a primitiveness about it that should be protected. Pubic hair has a job to do, Biko leave it alone and stop shaving!

1 Comment

  1. Kate Agishi
    Jul 17, 2017

    Chief of the NorthernC!! Very interesting, informative and funny write up!

    The caption got my attention oh well I can’t stop laughing joor! Thanks for the laughter!

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