ONE KISS, ONE HUSBAND

This craze for a husband at all costs has got to stop. The indoctrination that a woman is incomplete without a man as a husband has got to stop too! First and foremost, the reason so many of us clamour for the husbands is to get that status symbol of “I am married”, you know how it is! When I saw the picture of naked well endowed single black women with a ‘pastor’ somewhere in the (Bahamas) kissing their arses so that they will get husbands by the seaside in the hot afternoon with on-lookers abi congregation members probably ‘speaking in tongues’ to scare the future husbands out of hiding, I was speechless and that’s a feat. Nothing had dumbfounded me in a long...

A POSSESSION TILL DEATH

Aunt Yetunde’s husband had been dead for 10 years now. I was just leaving university when he died and I could feel the pain of my four cousins losing a father, a parent who loved them. Luckily for Aunt, one was about to graduate university, two were in secondary school and the baby of the house was in primary school. Things weren’t quite easy for Aunt as she reared her children the best way she could. I sometimes wonder how she did it. I also wondered why she hadn’t remarried especially since in those 10 years Uncle Dare had lost his wife, dated, remarried and sired two children! I was proud of my mum as I heard her often check up on Aunt Yetunde. I felt comforted that if I was ever a widow, my in-laws would check in on me, make me feel less...

A BED OF ROSES

Unfortunately we have been designed to need, want, depend and long for a significant other to ‘complete’ us. From the time our hormones kick in till they let us down, put us in trouble or make us delirious; we are on the prowl for who can fill that void and ache we feel somewhere inside of us. Majority of us have bungled this amazing mission of our lives. A number of unfair factors led to this sorry state of affairs. I say ‘unfair factors’ because as pawns in this game of chess called life; we are often clueless on which move to make, who and what to checkmate or even decide if that was a wise move. Invariably, this struggle, background, experiences, expectations shape us and often jade us. We then carry baggage with us around, harbouring mini-monsters...

THE NEW FACE OF ADULTERY

This matter needs no elaborate introduction. As with every facet of human interaction that is currently undergoing radical and often times damaging transformation; the marriage bed has not been left out. There was a time when being caught in the sin of adultery was greeted with the fear it deserved. Well, times have radically changed. Going back in time, adultery was really about a married woman who slept with someone else other than her husband. A married man who slept with a single woman wasn’t in grave danger as the former situation. Remember the Woman caught in the act of adultery? the man was nowhere to be seen or accused; perhaps she was solo loving? Anyway, this slap-on-the-wrist attitude towards the man enjoying the spoils of his extra-curricular hunting...

A PROBLEM: HELPING OUR CHILDLESSNESS

I sometimes get random letters from readers with situations and a request for advice on the situation. From time to time I will pick letters I find interesting and post them. The reason for posting them is not for us to judge; that would be too easy but for us to ponder and give our views or even proffer solutions. Who knows if a wider a number of voices will jolt the person? Here this week’s one goes: Dear DSW, I am a silent ardent reader of your blog. Initially, I was a bit confused at the name of the site; but then I was being simple. Out of curiosity, I started reading; permit me to say that you are anything but ‘stupid’. I have a situation and wondering if you could give your angle on it. I got married to Mark* (not real name) about 8 years ago. Without...

TOPIC FOUR: NAVIGATING THE MINEFIELDS OF MARRIAGE

Now that YOU have chosen and married this person this is when the real work starts. It takes less than three months for you to realise you’ve made a costly mistake. Now, remember that not all mistakes are a bad thing. Look at it this way; you consciously made this mistake, so you can consciously fix it! This is the first problem; two of you are total strangers. Yep. Forget all that he/she knows me; we are soul mates, blah, blah blah. Even your parents that you’ve lived with the longest; still shock and perplex you and vice versa talk less of some random person you picked off the streets quite literally. You never really lived with the person so all of a sudden there is a rude awakening to habits, quirks, eccentricities,...

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